Jokes

Don't Talk to my Parrot

Sharon's dishwasher wasn't working so she called out a repair man.  Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat.  Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll post a cheque on to you. Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike - he won't bother you - BUT, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!". "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'

When the repairman arrived at Sharon's house the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen.  Just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.  Finally the repairman couldn't stand any more and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" to which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

So you see, men just don't listen !

Parrot at Auction

One day David went to an auction.  While he was there, he bid for a parrot.  David really wanted this bird, so he got caught up and thoroughly involved in the bidding.  He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.

Finally, after he had bid much more than he had intended, David won the bid; the parrot was his at last.  As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, "I hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"

"Don't worry" said the auctioneer, "he can talk - who do you think kept bidding against you?".

Strange Animal Laws

In Utah, birds have the right of way on any public highway (don't give them the right of way and they get in a right flap!)

In the State of Kansas, you're not allowed to drive a buffalo through a street (quite right too, you should drive a car!)

In Florida, it is against the law to put livestock on a school bus (thank goodness, children can be soooo dangerous....)

In North Carolina, it is against the law for dogs and cats to fight (try telling them that!)

In Virginia, chickens cannot lay eggs before 8:00 a.m., and must be done before 4:00 p.m. (where on earth can you get a fresh egg for breakfast at 7.00 am then?)

In North Carolina, it is against the law for a rabbit to race down the street (what if it hares down the street?)

The law states that more than 3000 sheep cannot be herded down Hollywood Blvd. at any one time (difficult to stop them, if one goes down, they all go - you know what sheep are like!)