Dogs

In the beginning.............

• On the first day of creation, God created the dog
• On the second day God created man to serve the dog
• On the third day God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the dog.
• On the fourth day God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
• On the fifth day God created the tennis ball, the stick and the bone to the dog's delight.
• On the sixth day God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy (and the owner broke!).
• And on the seventh day God tried to rest.......but He had to walk the dog!

Attention all Techno-Dogs!!

Is your dog into gadgets?  Then this one's for Rover!  The dog doorbell gives your dog the independence to go out and come in whenever he/she pleases.  No more scratching, whining or barking at the door to go out when nature calls (or the need to chase next door's cat out of the garden arises), and no more yapping to come in when it rains! 

The dog doorbell is wireless (it runs on batteries), has a range of 50', is waterproof and attractively paw-shaped.  Your dog can easily be trained to either stand on the paw, or just press it to let you know it wants to come in or go out, but not only that, a clever dog can also be trained to press the bell when it's ready for dinner, when it spots the postman (or a cat), or when it's time for 'walkies'!

Unfortunately, it has been reported that one or two dogs have been issued doggie asbos for playing 'Knock down Ginger', but having been sent to obedience classes are now on the road to rehabilitation!

Many companies are selling Dog doorbells on the net from £9.99 to around £20 - ding dong! 

Men, if your dog is your best friend and you like nothing more than going down to the pub with your best friends, then this one's for you!

A Dutch brewery has created a beer for thirsty dogs!  It's called 'Kwispelbier' (being Dutch for 'wagging a tail').

The beer is brewed from beef extract and malt but costs four times as much as a pint of Heineken!  Although the beer is non-alcoholic, the side-effects seem to include a much faster wagging tail and a hang-dog expression the next morning!

Cheers!! 

Paws for thought:  Dogs' digestive tracts are not designed for alcohol, so never give your dog a real pint or it will go barking!!

Hi there,

My name's Ted and I'm a Portuguese Water Dog.  My closest relative is the standard poodle and we keep in touch by phone.

For as long as I can remember I've always had an interest in bones. As a puppy I wanted to be a palaeontologist, but grew up to be much better at burying bones than digging them up.

In 2005 I went to a show at Crufts and happened to bump into a ‘Jobs for Dogs' advisor who suggested that, with my love of bones, I should train to be an orthopaedic surgeon. 

It's well known that we PWD's are a very intelligent breed, and I'm no exception.  I passed all the exams at The Give-a-dog-a-bone Academy with flying colours, and got the first job I applied for at the King Charles Spaniel Hospital in Barking. 

I would recommend any other Portuguese Water Dog thinking of becoming a surgeon to go for it - it's a career you can really get your teeth into! 

ONLY IN AMERICA!!

Did you know that thousands and thousands of animals are now being fitted with Neuticles all over America? 

So what are ‘Neuticles................?' - you may well ask! 

‘Neuticles' are testicular implants for Canine Casanovas that have been neutered but still wish to look ‘The Dogs B----      cks!' (sorry - couldn't resist that one!).

Neuticles are implanted at the same time as a dog is neutered, and apparently this type of cosmetic surgery for pets (not just dogs) is growing in popularity (apparently, it even carries the endorsement of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals).

Whilst over-population of dogs is a real problem in this country and millions of stray dogs are put to sleep every year, do we British really have to go this far?

For sensible advice on neutering, click onto the RSPCA site here

If your dog can't read this sign, then perhaps he needs glasses....

WOULD YOU ADAM 'N' EVE IT?

You can now buy nail pawlish for dogs!  The pawlish comes in a choice of 12 colours including ‘Doghouse Blues' and ‘Poodle Pink' (imagine trying to paint the claws of a one hundred pound macho Rotweiler.....!).

And not only can your dog enjoy showing off its matching claws and accessories, it can also become the proud owner of a ‘PetsCell' - a mobile phone that you attach to its collar so you can have a quick bow wow whenever you need to get in touch.  Imagine no longer having to shout "fetch!".  In future, just speed-dial Rover and ask it (politely, of course), if it wouldn't mind just popping over to the lavender bush on the other side of the park and picking up a stick on his way back...........

And lastly - wait for it - there are doggles - goggles for dogs that come in a range of colours and designs that can even be fitted with prescription lenses for dogs with poor eyesight (handy for reading their mobile phone texts!!!).